***The following blog-article was taken from a Facebook post***
Many Christian women are learning about dating, relationships, and marriage from women’s platforms outside of the local church. Some of these women’s platforms are really good by the way, so I’m not saying anything negative about them.
I think that many Christian women find themselves going outside of the local church to seek sound practical knowledge about these subjects for the following reasons:
*Many churches have not updated their demographic-information about women and men. They’re tailoring their ministerial approach to women based on outdated data.
*Many churches are unaware of certain developments or changes in the dating market.
*Many churches are flat-out ignoring the high rates of intimate partner violence and sexual abuse that women/girls experience, and are not warning or educating women about the pervasive reality of abuse and manipulation in dating, relationships, and marriage.
*Many church leaders make statements about abuse, but they have no self-education, training, or certification in intimate partner violence or sexual abuse.
*Many churches adhere to negative stereotypes and preconceived notions about single child-free women, single mothers, and divorced women. They are out of touch with current research on the diverse realities of single child-free women, single mothers, and divorced women.
*Some churches are responding negatively to women’s progress and are doubling down in their efforts to “put women back in their place.”
*Many, if not most, predominantly Black churches are ignoring the imbalanced black male-to-black-female ratio, black male under-performance, higher rates of intimate partner violence and adultery in Black relationships. Instead of addressing the unpleasant realities of Black relationships, they are telling Black women to just “have faith,” submit to their husbands, “God hates divorce,” etc.
*Many churches underestimate just how “pornified” society is. They don’t seem to realize that porn is the #1 influence on a man’s view of women, sex, masculinity, and male-female relationship dynamics.
If you are a Christian leader who teaches women about dating, relationships, and marriage, you might want to know the following:
*The percentage of single women who are interested in a relationship has plummeted. More single men are interested in a relationship (51% to 60%) than single women (35% to 38).
*Women have surpassed men in obtaining bachelor degrees and now account for more than half (50.7%) of the college-educated labor force in the United States.
*In metropolitan areas, single women are almost twice as likely to be homeowners as single men.
*Young single women tend to earn more money than young single men.
*About 1 in every 3 women have experienced intimate partner violence.
*Anywhere from 40% to 60% of Black girls have been sexually violated by their 18th birthday.
*Black women experience the highest rates of intimate partner violence, adultery/sexual concurrency (overlapping sex partners), and sexually transmitted infections in “exclusive” relationships (including marriage).
*Increased gender equality allows more single women to flourish outside of traditional relationships.
*79% of men between the ages of 18-30 are addicted to pornography.
*There are 1.5 million MORE Black women of marriage-age than Black men of marriage-age.
*A growing number of Black women are pursuing home ownership as a wealth-building tool instead of marriage.
*Children fare better in single parent households than in two-parent homes where there is adultery and abuse.
*There is an inequitable division of household labor in many marriages. Women are working full-time jobs, only to come home and pull a “second shift” of unpaid labor.
*Black women are often the main breadwinner.
*Black women are more likely to marry down than other ethnic groups of women.
*Black women are just as likely to escape poverty as White women UNTIL they marry a Black man. Their children end up sliding into a lower socioeconomic class as a result.
*Women are more likely than men to seek out information on dating, relationships, and marriage. As a result, men have a “relationship-intelligence deficit.”
Most of this information doesn’t paint a good picture for the future of traditional marriages and families. The body of Christ needs to get informed, find out what is going on, listen to women, and adjust our ministerial approach (and perhaps our doctrine, in the areas where our beliefs contradict the full counsel of Scripture).
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I would encourage spiritual leaders who engage women to check out the following resources for useful information on demographics, social trends, intimate partner violence, sexual abuse, and unhealthy/destructive marriages.
Black Demographics https://blackdemographics.com/
The Pew Research Center https://www.pewresearch.org/
The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence https://ncadv.org/
Bureau of Justice Statistics on “Female Victims of Violence” https://bjs.ojp.gov/content/pub/pdf/fvv.pd
Unique Issues Facing Black Women Dealing with Abuse https://www.verywellmind.com/unique-issues-facing-black-women-dealing-with-abuse-4173228
A Large Number of Single Women are Leaving the Church https://relevantmagazine.com/faith/church/why-are-so-many-single-women-are-leaving-the-church/
Your Brain on Porn https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/
“Porn as Erototoxic” by the late Dr. Judith Reisman http://www.drjudithreisman.com/porn_as_erototoxic.html
Anti-Porn Organization “Culture Reframed” https://www.culturereframed.org/the-porn-crisis/
80% of Men isn’t “All Men” but it’s STILL MOST! https://www.covenanteyes.com/2018/07/30/do-all-men-watch-porn/
A Profile of Single Americans https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2020/08/20/a-profile-of-single-americans/
The Demographics of Infidelity in America (not good for Black women!) https://ifstudies.org/blog/who-cheats-more-the-demographics-of-cheating-in-america
Study on Sexual Concurrency (overlapping sex partners) Among Men in the U.S. (not good for Black women!) https://ajph.aphapublications.org/doi/10.2105/AJPH.2006.099069
Single Women are Racing Ahead of Men in Home Ownership https://www.cbsnews.com/news/home-buying-single-women-outpacing-men-in-home-ownership/
Women do more Unpaid Household Work than Men (negatively affects their health more than men) https://www.nytimes.com/2022/09/30/upshot/women-mental-health-labor.html
Black Women are Just as Likely as White Women to Escape Poverty, Until They Marry a Black Man https://www.brookings.edu/research/the-inheritance-of-black-poverty-its-all-about-the-men/
69% of Divorces are Initiated by Women https://www.asanet.org/women-more-likely-men-initiate-divorces-not-non-marital-breakups/
The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) Study https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/aces/index.html
40% to 60% of Black girls Sexually Abused by their 18th Birthday (this is a crisis!) https://www.forbes.com/sites/shenegotiates/2012/04/25/black-women-sexual-assault-and-the-art-of-resistance/?sh=75436a897469
“What’s Behind the Rise of Lonely, Single Men?” by Greg Matos PsyD https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-state-our-unions/202208/whats-behind-the-rise-lonely-single-men
A Black Woman/Girl is Murdered Every 5 Hours in the U.S. https://www.facebook.com/blackfemicideUS/
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Books on Intimate Partner Violence, Divorce, and Marriage
“Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men” by Lundy Bancroft (this needs to be the next book you read) https://amzn.to/3ItwUEt
“The Emotionally Destructive Marriage: How to Find Your Voice and Reclaim Your Hope” by Leslie Vernick https://amzn.to/3SuT1z8
“The Life-Saving Divorce: Hope for People Leaving Destructive Relationships” by Gretchen Baskerville https://amzn.to/3EC7aVs
“Recovering from Biblical Manhood and Womanhood: How the Church Needs to Rediscover Her Purpose” by Aimee Byrd https://amzn.to/3ZjOnWE
“The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You’ve Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended” by Sheila Wray Gregoire, Rebecca Gregoire Lindenbach, and Joanna Sawatsky https://amzn.to/3xMLl1F
“He Chose Porn Over Me” by Melinda Tankard Reist https://amzn.to/3KAeuEW
“Is Marriage for White People?: How the African American Marriage Decline Affects Everyone” by Ralph Richard Banks https://amzn.to/3Iw8VEC
The Queen Strategy 
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